The High Road

One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received after a breakup  was to "be kind."  Sometimes when things go south, feelings are hurt and it's easy to say mean things about the other person.  It's not easy to remember that they are a child of God and are doing the best with what they've been given.  Sometimes, it's not easy to be kind.

In the last year or so, I decided that if I were to die tomorrow, I want people to be able to describe me as "kind."  I constantly make an effort to avoid gossip, and insults, and to always see the good in people, even when they may not deserve it.  I feel like this has made me a better person.  This past week I've been in a total funk.  With all of the things currently going on in my personal life, I have become a target of extreme negativity. 

When I've been asked about my recent breakup, I usually comment with, "he's a great guy, but we just didn't work out." End of story.  There's no need for details, it's not really anyone's business.  However, I have been dealing with unkind things being said about me.  Things that are not true are being said by people who have never met me, and don't' know a fraction of the situation.  It's hard to try to take the high road and "ignore" the name calling, the accusations and the judgments.  It's hard to not let it affect me.

It's a great day

♫ It's a great day to be alive
I know the sun is still shining when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't everyday be just this good ♬

 
I love this song by Travis Tritt.  It's actually my morning alarm and I think that starting each day with this song helps me to have a great day.

♮ But sometimes, it's ok to have a not-so-great day.
♯ Sometimes it's ok to feel blue, and mope around, and not want to do anything
♮ Sometimes it's ok to {for the first time in my life} play the "lady troubles" card, go home from work and take a nap
♯ Sometimes it's ok to tell people exactly how I'm feeling, even if it's not pleasant
♮ Sometimes it's ok to think, tomorrow will be better

Blowing off Steam

When I showed up at his house he asked, "Whatcha got there?"

 

My eyes beamed from behind my aviators and a smile crept across my face.  "A gun." I said, matter-of-factly.  "And I have bullets in my purse!"

 

Laughter ensued and what followed turned out to be a perfect day-turned-evening-turned-night.

I hit the bullseye!

Muscley Arms

The first time I met him, apparently I was "a jerk." I hear that a lot upon first meeting people , that I'm a jerk. I try to be friendly, I introduce myself, ask how they're doing... and then end the conversation and walk away. I guess it never occurred to me to get the life history of every person I meet right at that moment... Plus, I was already in a relationship so I didn't realize that maybe he was trying to pick me up. I can be so aloof.

A week or so later, I went out with my friends from church. Apparently they had adopted him into our circle of friends. Let's be honest, I thought he was hot, and so funny. We had a great time pretending to be statues on the moving sidewalks...

At one point I videotaped it, but afterwards couldn't get back over the railing of my west-bound-moving-sidewalk to their east-bound-moving-sidewalk. Before I knew I what was happening, I felt a strong pair of arms reach around my waist and pull me safely over. That was it! *Twitter-pated*  At that moment I knew I wanted to keep him.

We were becoming fast friends, and there was a chemistry between us that neither of us could deny. Pretty soon, we were spending every day together. Playing, laughing, getting to know each other. I was drawn to him in ways I couldn't understand, but I found that Miss Independent, wanted needed to be around him. I was filled with butterflies at the thought of spending time with him. I loved talking to him and I could open up to him in ways I haven't been able open to up to people before. We've had similar life experiences, and I found I could tell him anything and everything, feeling safe, because I knew he would never judge me.

Apparently, he felt the same thing. He was trying hard to keep his distance, but he needed to be around me too. He didn't know why, but he felt the need to protect me, to make me happy. He was often surprised at how quickly he trusted me, and told me about his life, his secret things, the kinds of things "just friends" don't usually disclose. With each life story I learned, I wanted to know more, I wanted to drink in every ounce of him.

I have never laughed as much in my life as I have since meeting him. My face constantly hurts from smiling. He is quickly becoming my best friend. I can be myself around him. My whole self! The good, the bad and the ugly self, and he likes it! He often tells me that he doesn't know why I like him and that he's afraid I'm too good to be true. "Whaaa? Me? Too good to be true? I'm just being me." To be honest, most of the time I feel like he is the one that is too good to be true. Liking him is easy. He makes it easy.

He is honest, he is direct, he's doesn't play games, he loves to have fun and laugh and dance! He sings to me and isn't embarrassed about it. He is kind and patient, he knows who he is, and ya'll... he is sexy!

I knew he was going to be a good thing, but I never imagined it would be this good.

 

Louisville Slugger

It's official. My best buddy and dance partner is gone for 2 whole years! It's a bitter sweet day. Eventhough I'm so proud, I may cry.... A lot.

Elder Green

It seems like just yesterday he received his call.  But it's been four months, and today our little guy is finally headed out to the MTC.  I will miss him more than I care to think about, but I know this decision is the best one he's made so far in his life.

I know his life experiences have given him experiences that many may not have, and have shaped into just the kind of person that the people of Louisville, KY need.  He will be a great tool in the hands of the Lord and a wonderful missionary.

Dating

After a breakup many people loathe the idea of dating. I don't. I actually really enjoy it. Sometimes dates are bad, and awkward and uncomfortable, but those are the best kind! I feel like at the very least they make for a really good story later on... Like the time I went out with the guy who checked me for cankles. I know that when most people get engaged they are super excited about the thought of never having to date again, but to be honest, it scared me. I am that girl at the buffet who has to walk around three or four times to make sure I've seen everything, only then can I decide what I want. The same goes for dating. I feel like I knowwhat I want from my future spouse, but I'm still looking for just the right person.  I only want to do it once, so I have to be absolutely sure.  When I get married I don't ever want to think, "I wish I had gotten a change to get to know that guy."  I want to be 100% excited, happy and content with the person I choose.

Many people don't agree with this idea. They say that it makes me a crazy person. Others think it's brave that I take the time to evaluate my feelings and act on them.

While I learned a lot from my last relationship, ultimately we went too fast. By the time we really started to get to know each other, I realized it was not what I wanted. However, we were already engaged and I felt like I had to work through the problems I was having because I had made a commitment.   I finally realized that he is a good guy, but he was not for me, and I'm positive that I am not the person he was looking for either. I prayed about my decision and decided that it is better to call off an engagement than potentially a marriage.

So, I'm dating again. And I'm happy.

A Scandal

Scandal (n): disgraceful gossip about the private lives of other people.
 
After a break up, is there a certain time period for "grieving?"  I've had bad breakups, you know the kind.  The kind that left me dead inside, the kind that made me not want to date for years...  I've also had really good breakups, the kind that made me excited to see what else is out there and give it the old college try.
 
I like dating. I always have.  However, after a big-deal breakup like calling off a wedding, how long do you wait to jump back into the dating pool?  I'm surprised that I've already been asked out a few times in the last two days.  I haven't even begun to tell people {minus you bloggy readers} about this, but somehow they just know.
 
We didn't date very long, and while things got serious, I find myself stuck between ready to move forward with my life and not wanting to cause a "scandal."
 
I've decided to take the "give 'em something to talk about" approach.

Things Fall Apart

Sometimes things don't turn out like we plan. Sometimes we envision our lives going on direction, but God has another path ready for us. Sometimes it's ok, sometimes it's not.

I think I needed this. I needed to know fire sure that someday I do want to get married {because for the last few years, I've been too afraid to even consider it}. So while I am no longer getting married this spring, someday I will. And I look forward to that day.

Express Yourself

I didn't watch the super bowl. What? Am I the only one who just doesn't care? However, after all the Madonna half-time show blather, I find myself with the Immaculate Collection on repeat. Seriously, the woman has still got it!

I've been thinking a lot about my lack of blogging over the last few months and I've decide that for this year, my mantra is going to be "Express Yourself." I want to be better about "personal" blogging. I've been thinking about some of the top blogs I look forward to reading in my blog roll, and what I've discovered is that I like living vicariously through other people. I love the way these girls can take a simple event in their day, and turn it into a wonderful, well written memory worthy of a journal... that is after all, what I originally wanted this blog to be.

I feel like there is a lot going on in my life that I'd like to remember. Thoughts I have, feelings I'm feeling, decisions I'm making, and worries and concerns I'm trying to work through. I'm not great at expressing myself {emotional range of a teaspoon - remember?}, and I think taking time to really ponder and evaluate will help me in this regard.

That is one thing I really admire about {future} Hubs. He is a thinker/ponderer/planner. He thinks things through and is able to so eloquently put into words exactly what it is in head. I marvel every time he does it, mouth open, drooling, the works! I have come to know a lot of people with this talent, and they don't even realize that it's a super power! It's a quality I'm trying really hard to develop. Whenever I try to put my feelings/thoughts/concerns into words, I usually end up crying and mumbling something that doesn't make sense- think Kristen Bell & the Sloth meltdown.