Heartbroken

When I was little, Wedding Midge was my favorite toy ever!  {I'm sure I've mentioned it before}  Not only did she have LONG BANGS and WAY longer hair than barbie, she came with a totally cute party dress underneath her wedding dress.  One Christmas I got the full Midge & Allen Wedding Set.  I remember one of my favorite things to do was remove Midge's Wedding skirt, revealing her little white mini-dress.  Then I would take Allen's white wedding blazer, and BAM!  Instantly transform Midge into Dr. Midge.  She would then drive either her Ferrari, Mustang or Jeep to her fabulous job as a doctor-of-something.

I have wanted to be a doctor for as long as I can remember.  It is THE only career I have ever thought of, or taken interest in.  When I wanted to go to "Hair School," my parents told me to get a degree, become a doctor, and then I could do whatever I wanted; but I was too smart to settle for anything less.

Over the last however-many-years-I've-been-in-college it seems like the odds are stacked against me.  I feel like I have been stuck in a rut,  and my life is definately not where I pictured it to be at 25 + 1 years old.  My parents have always stressed the importance of an education {high school was a must as well as a college degree} and it is something that has ALWAYS been extremely important to me.  I love learning.  I always have.  I always loved school, and would throw a fit if I had to miss a day.  It really seems, however, like getting a degree has been harder for me than for anyone else I know.

School isn't necessarily "too hard."  I am a Pre-Med major, and after, numerous, long, intellectual conversations with other Pre-Med/Pre-Dental students, and students of other majors in the foyer of the institute building, it has been decided that my major is definitely one of the most challenging offered in colleges today.  But like I said, it isn't that it's hard, but sometimes I feel like I am not supposed to be doing this. 

The first 2 years I was in school, I bounced around trying to decide a major; Broadcast Journalism, to Biology, to Photography, and back to Biology.  After deciding, I was only able to attend school part time because of work conflicts.  Then I took time off to figure out my personal life, and then again because of work conflicts.  Then, I couldn't afford to go to school full time and only work part time, so I had to drop some classes.  The cycle seems never ending.

Most people ask, "well can't you do night school, or online classes?"  HAH, I wish!  Maybe if I were a business major, or a Psychology major or something "popular," I could.  But science majors?  Yea right!  Science classes are a pain in my bum!  The classes we need are only-offered-one-semester-per-year-and-in-one-time-slot-and-if-it-fills-up-and-we-don't-get-in-TOO-BAD!  Wait until next year and try again.

Moving on...

This past spring I was fortunate enough to not have to work, and focus my attentions only on school.  I had hoped that this would be the case until I graduate next May (finally).  However, circumstances changed.  I was recently offered a job, and while I was skeptical about working while trying to finish school, I decided that I needed something else to occupy my time (at least until school starts back up in the Fall).  I went in for an interview today, and now I'm left with a very difficult decision.

I never considered a job in this field, and it isn't my dream career, however, I could not have dreamed of a better suited occupation for myself at this time in my life.  If I sat down and wrote down all of the things I would like in a job to help me get through school, this opportunity reaches far beyond those expectations.  The pay is amazing, the benefits are incredible (Medical/Dental/Retirement and I haven't had insurance for years),  Christmas bonuses, yearly raises, paid time off/vacation, monthly birthday parties, Christmas parties, annual summer BBQ's, lunch brought in almost every day, choice of 30 minute or hour long lunch breaks, choice of in-time in the mornings, it's only 5 minutes from my house, they want to start me at twice my asking salary, and start on Monday.

I realize that for most people, this job is a no-brainer.  The only drawback is that they CAN NOT be flexible with my school schedule.  So, essentially, for as long as I would be working with the company, I can't go to school.  I could maybe take a night class here or there, IF one is ever offered.  I am absolutely heartbroken.  I have worked SO hard to try to finish school, and I AM SO CLOSE!  I am so close to getting my degree.  I am SO CLOSE to going to Medical School, and SO CLOSE to being just like my Dr. Midge.

I called my mom after my interview to ask her advice, and she couldn't give me any.  She realizes what an amazing opportunity this is, and it really seems like the stars aligned for me to get this job.  She realizes that another opportunity like this probably will never present itself, but she could not, in her better judgement, advise me to put my education on hold.

It looks as though I will be spending an adequate amount of time today praying and asking for guidance.  I called my bishop for a blessing, and hopefully, afterwards I'll have some guidance.  This is one of the biggest decisions I've had to make thus far in my life {yea, I'm fairly sheltered}, and I don't have a lot of time.