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It's Friday

I could not be more happy that today is Friday.  It's been a long, looooonnnnnnngggg week, full of work and lack of sleep.  I was thinking that tonight I might go home and read the small library of gossip magazines on my nightstand.  Then I'm going to bed hopefully by 7, and I don't plan on waking up until tomorrow.. I'm hoping for at least 12 hours of sleep.

My mom washed my sheets and made my bed for me - so sweet of her.  There is nothing more exciting than getting to climb into a nice clean bed.  I'm counting down the minutes!

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A Letter of Encouragement

I've been feeling pretty bad... Well, that's an understatement.  I'm a mess.  Colby sent me a letter today, and I thought I'd post it because often times, people go through hard times, and need a little encouragement.  If you need encouragement, please read on:

Hi Fweetie,

I just said a prayer and I'm fasting for you.  Keep your head up, you'll get through this.  I know it's hard, but take it from me, it hurts now but it's so much better that you [were honest] rather than stringing Thomas along when you knew the relationship would no longer progress.  Allow yourself to grieve, sadness is part of moving on, and an integral part of it.  You can't move on without experiencing the sadness that comes along with heartbreak.  Take a couple of days (at least) to really grieve, mope, and cry, and then get "outside" ass soon as possible so that you aren't consumed by the sadness.  If you feel your decision was right, then it was right for both of you, even if neither of you can see it now. 

It was a hard decision, but you were very brave for making it.  Most people would continue on, playing with someone else's heart to appease their own.  Most people would try to have their cake and eat it too.  While you both greive, you need to cut ties, and not go back and fourth contacting each other.  I know you think that is the worst thing you could do, but it's Hell having someone you love keep you around (whether maliciously or sincerely) to ease the pain when they know you won't be together again.  That's a pain I wouldn't wish on Obama.  You have to "rip off the band aid" quickly.  Because you care for him, I promise it's best to just let him go.  I know you loved Thomas and still do, you probably always will.  He is a great guy but Heavenly Father has something else in store for both Thomas and you, and together, neither of you could be your happiest (even if it felt like you were your happiest together).  One day, you will both find a level happiness you can not comprehend, I promise.  It's just not meant to be right now, but it will happen in time.

I am here for you anytime, and will do anything I can for you.  I love you.  Maybe later we can play Wii, watch chick flicks and eat ice cream? 

I am so glad to have loving and supportive friends and family right now. 

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Nothing is Fine

I mentioned the other day that I have been experiencing some changes.  Beginning a 60% raw food diet, and starting a Spending Fast are just a few of the changes happening at Casa de Morgana lately.  One of the biggest changes is that after 3 years 6 months and 25 days, BF and I ended our relationship. {This is the reasoning for the lack of blogging}  There was really no reason other than "it isn't right anymore."  I've been struggling with the decision for a while and decided it was time to make it.  We are both heartbroken, and I often wish that there were negative feelings between us, or that someone had done something to hurt the other one.  That would be easier to deal with.

How is it fair to end something so good with someone so amazing and have "I know it just isn't what the Lord has planned for me" as the reason?  It's tough, and I'm not handling it well.

The relationship I had with Thomas {yep, it's just like Mr. Big, at the end you learn his name} has been without a doubt, the best, most loving, and most healthy relationship of my life.  I was able to be loved for just being me.  On my good days, my bad days, my worst days, my pretty days, and my ugly days, my sick.and.pucking days and on my PMS days, he truly loved me.  For anyone who hasn't had that experience, I sure hope you find it!  I was really able to just be myself, which helped me to learn and grow and develop my character and my talents.  I learned about who I want to be, who I want him to be and learned about really important things that are necessary for a relationship to grow and stay strong.

We both strove for 100% honesty, and in three and half years we had one fight, one semi-argument, 2 white lies and a few minor disagreements.  It's not that we were perfect, we just worked really hard at making it work.  Our relationship and the personal growing process that came with it was important for us.  We had numerous problems, difficulties, and challenges in dealing with unemployment, deaths, births, divorces, family problems, insecurities and all of life's little thorns, but we made it a point to never raise our voices to each other, or call names. We tried really hard constantly communicate our feelings, needs, wants and concerns while being understanding of the other persons opinions and feelings.  We took time to date often and constantly get to know each other and each other's interests and hobbies, and take an active role in participating in them.

I love the relationship we had,  I love what a good friend he was to me, and I love how he was such a support to me during hard times - of which there have been many.  I will miss him dearly.  I will miss his love, his friendship, his support, his hugs, his smell, his smile, the songs he sings me, the way we always held hands, his kisses, how much fun we had, the way he rubs my neck when I'm getting a migraine, snuggling under his arm, his kind heart, his generosity, his cooking, how much we laughed, taking care of him, our nicknames for each other...  I will miss everything about him.  I love his family, and feel as though they were an extension of my own.  I grew so close to them the last few years, and will truly miss their love, counsel and support in my life.  I will miss the M's and am so sad that I will not get to see them grow up.

It will take time to heal, but I know the Lord will heal my heart.  I pray daily that he will comfort Thomas too, and help him to know, in time, that this decision is for the best for both of us.  I am thankful for the time I had to know him, and appreciate the person I am because of knowing him.  I'd like to think that because of knowing each other, we are both better people.

As sure I am that I made the right decision, I am still so sad, devastated actually.  The one person who could always make me feel better is no longer available to me, and I'm scared to move forward alone.  While he Has been part of my life since before I started this blog, and is a part of many posts, I am sad that I didn't document every detail of our relationship, because I know I will cherish those memories forever.  I feel as though there were many times I could have treated him more kindly, or done more to express my love and appreciation for him, but now I can't; so I hope he just knows how important he is to me.

It's a sad time, but I am determined to stay busy so that the sadness doesn't overwhelm me.  I know that Heavenly Father can heal a broken heart if we only ask him to.  "And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more...  sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain..." (Revelations 21:4) In time, faith and hope will replace heartache, disappointment, torment, anguish, and despair, and the Lord will give us strength to move forward with the plan he has for each of us. "For I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow." (Jeremiah 31:13)

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Weekend To-Do

The past few weeks have been nuts.  Seriously.  Our corporate office had a little "incident" with our computer system, and we've been offline for close to two weeks.  How did anyone do anything without computers?  I've been working crazy amounts of overtime just to get everyday tasks accomplished in a timely manner!  Hopefully things will be up and running soon.

Because I've been going into work early, and staying late (and oh yea, I even worked this morning), I'm not getting a whole lot accomplished outside of work.  While I was looking forward to a relaxing weekend by the pool it looks like my tan is going to have to take a back seat to my to-do list:
  • Get my oil changed, it's about 3 months over due... Oopsie!
  • Re-paint my toes, this corpse-blue color just isn't working
  • Do Insanity
  • Go to Church
  • Go to the Fireside
  • Laundry
  • Get my hair done
  • Catch up on blog posts
  • Watch a really good movie
  • Make the Tie-Dye Cupcakes shown above.
  • Start a new book
  • Relax
What's on your to-do list?  Happy weekend everyone!  Go do something fun, I'll be with you in spirit!

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Hello Bloggy Readers!

It's been awhile, but I promise I've been here.  I read my blogroll everyday, but with it being summer, I don't have a lot to say.  It would be boring to post about how much time I'm spending by the pool and how tan I'm getting! {wink wink}

I wanted to do a quick should out to the Blogsphere about Netflix's price increases.  Many people won't care, but because I'm doing a Spending Fast, I REALLY CARE!  Netflix is one of my only luxuries, but maybe not for long...

I wrote all about it over at Morgan Makes ¢ents, so run on over and have a little looksie!  Thanks, and I promise I'll be back soon!

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Lifestyle changes

Lately a bunch of my co-workers and I have really been adopting a healthier lifestyle.  Like most people who work 8+ hours in an office, I have developed a "sedentary lifestyle."  I started my job back in August, and by November I had gained nearly 25 lbs!  (Because I was so thin to begin with, most of that weight didn't bother me, but I felt awful- like a blob). 

I'm not going to lie and say that I exercise frequently.  I don't.  After 8 hours of sitting at work, I am too tired to exercise for an hour.  It would seem logical that after doing nothing (well not nothing, but you know...) my body would crave exercise, but no.  It's just like Sir Issac Newton's first law of motion states, "An object at rest will stay at rest, and an object in motion will stay in motion."  Yep that includes our bodies.

Something had to change, I decided the first thing I would do is change my eating habits.  I haven't eaten fast food for about five years, but I still ate a lot of crap.  Since May I have adopted a 60% Raw Food diet.  I have fresh juice (cocktails from my juicer, not Ocean Spray) or a fruit smoothie for breakfast every day of the week.  For lunch I have a great big salad, with fresh ingredients.  Twice a day I have either Greek yogurt, fruits, vegetables, or nuts for a snack, sometimes I add salsa, hummus, guacamole or other dips.  And then I eat dinner (this is usually the un-raw part of my diet because it consists of dairy, meat, etc.).  I also only eat grains (breads, pasta, etc.) that are whole grain, or sprouted grain; and I've started to order fish whenever I go out to a restaurant (I've never eaten fish until now).  I also have cut way back on soda.  I try to drink water (with lemon), and I'm down to about one Pepsi a week and I usually don't finish the can.

Most of the time, by the time I get home from work, I am still so full from my lunch and snacks, that I don't eat a whole lot for dinner.  The great thing is that I am eating as much as I want, and I'm never hungry.  Plus, I have energy

I often watch the M's (or other little kids play for that matter) play and they never get tired.  They are constantly running and jumping and essentially P90Xing (seriously, the plyometrics workout is what we all did as kids on a daily basis!).  I often think to myself, "What I wouldn't give to have their energy," and now, I actually do!  Because of the extra energy, I've lost about 15 of those 25 pounds gained at the end of last year.

And if all that wasn't enough, I sleep better!  I actually get tired, and stay asleep for 8-9 hours!

I also recently just started exercising again (haven't done anything since finishing P90X last year), and have been doing the Cardio Barre workout.  It's essentially ballet on crack.  Yesterday I graduated from the Introductory workout to the Beginner workout, and that crap is hard!  I don't know how those girls bend like that, but I certainly can't!  Anyway, it's really challenging and fun! 

PS, if you're interested, I only bought the DVD. and made my own barre out of PVC pipe.  They sell a barre on their website for almost $200, so I googled instructions on how to make one.  If ended up using PVC pip and it cost less than $10.

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