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Weird. **


The Transfer

Me: *Panic. Confusion. Trying to fight back tears.

I was sick to my stomach. He wouldn't give me details until it could be in person, and I am not good at waiting on edge. He was just transferred here, how can he be moving again after only a few months?! Man, I'd like to kick his boss in the shins. When I got to his house he answered the door with a bouquet of red roses. "I bought these at 4:50 pm" he said. "Remember that, because that time is significant."

We put them in water and then were in the car driving downtown. Date night. Phantom of the Opera. We had decided it would be fun to get really dressed up and I did not hold back on the black eyeliner or mascara. I was kicking myself for it now. He started explaining that he got a call at 5:00 pm about his "new position" and that he would be starting Monday. He was confused, thinking he wasn't supposed to start for a few more months. This confused the person on the other end of the phone. "You mean, no one has talked to you yet?" "No."

Someone in the Utah office had resigned, and Muscley Arms was going to take over that position... starting Monday! I felt the warm water engulf my eyes, and then stream down my cheeks. I tried to hold it back, feeling really selfish for not even asking how he felt about it, but I couldn't help it. My entire focus went to controlling myself, and trying not to allow my nose to run or let out one of those embarrassing high pitched sob sounds. You know the ones. In my head, I imagined the worst.

He specified that he didn't have to move, but he'd have to work there most of the week and would be able to come home on weekends; and the transfer is only for a few months. Is that better? I think I cried harder. In hindsight I realize that it is better, at least I'll get weekends. For the last few months the most we've been apart is three days, now we'll be lucky if we see each other three days a week. He then told me that the roses were not part of an apology. He just wanted to get me flowers. But after an unsuccessful search for Peonies {my favorite} for nearly two hours he decided on red roses. "They're classic." All of that was before the phone call...

I find myself questioning if "absence {really does} make the heart grow fonder," or if we're still so new that we won't be able to take the distance. I finally got around to asking him how he feels about it. He's not happy, but he'll do it because he has to. So I will to. "We've got this," I keep repeating to myself. I'll do it because I have to. Because I want him. Because I want us.

I talked to my mom about it this morning and she assured me that it would be good for us to spend some time apart, "not even married couples spend as much time together as you two do." I stood there, bewildered, and then asked, "Why not? It's so much fun!"

Sometimes I think I'm being ridiculous about how sad I am, he'll only be gone a few days a week. But other times I think I'm justified. I want him close by.

I just hope Kelly Clarkson was right, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

**Update** He doesn't have to go! All that worrying for nothing! How annoying.


  1. I was wondering what was with the crossed out paragraphs.. Don't you hate a bunch of hype only to have it work out? Congrats on being able to keep your man close. :)
    (and yes, I don't get why married couples take separate vacations or 'girls weekends'.. I'd rather spend it with my spouse)

  2. I'm glad it worked out. The "what makes you stronger" quote is actually a famous quote from Nietzsche, a German philosopher.


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