Dear Trendy-Tools,

I see you, walking around campus just screaming for attention. Oh you’re getting attention alright, but not the kind you want. While you think you look smoking hot in your plunging neckline, all self-respecting women are quietly making fun of you.

I am not sure who decided that it was ok for men to wear such low cut clothing it requires weekly chest waxing, but it’s not. V-neck t-shirts should only allowed to be worn as undershirts by Grandfathers the world over. Just because yours is purple does not make it cool.

Besides looking ridiculous, you make me uncomfortable. I worry that at any minute your nipple will pop out and create an embarrassing “wardrobe malfunction” incident. This in turn makes me more uncomfortable and a little self conscious as I wonder why seeing a male chest pepperoni would make me uneasy.

I personally believe it is the context of areola-peek-a-boo. Were I at a public swimming pool, or other venue where it is socially acceptable for men to remove their shirts I would feel no discontent. However, when I am strolling to Mammalogy, between the BEH and MSM, I do not want to be bombarded by your man cleavage.

To the heavier set men; V-necks do not “create a slimming effect.” In fact, they make your man boobs more obvious. I feel the need to take off my bra and give it to you; you clearly need the support more than my A-cups.

To hairy chested men; don’t get me wrong, I love chest hair (as long as it’s manscapped and kept under control), but when it is spewing out of your Deep V it is reminiscent of a bikini-clad woman who needs a waxing.

Wearing your top with a blazer does not make it “smarter”. Wearing it with jeans does not make you look “cool and laid back”. Lastly, pairing a V-neck with a cardigan makes you look like Mr. Rodgers.

You’ve all seen VH1’s Tool Academy and you look like one of its contestants. Please find something else to wear.

Your friend,