Is This Necessary?

As mentioned before, I have severe “auto anxiety.” In layman’s terms, I get {really} nervous in cars. I’ve always been this way, but it was made worse when I was rear-ended a few years back. My anxiety can range from a jump and squeal to a full on panic attack and crying. I sometimes wonder if there is a more deeply rooted “control issue” at work here, because if I’m driving, I’m fine; only when my life is in someone else’s hand does my panic rear its ugly head. But that’s another issue for another day.

Most everyone who’s ever chauffeured me around believes they can “cure” me. They may tailgate other vehicles, or wait until the very last minute to stop behind a car at a red light, but alas this does not help, it makes it worse. I wish I weren’t this way, but I’ve tried , and I can’t change it. I have even dated guys, who, when angry or upset with me, would drive like maniacs just to upset me further. I rarely cry, but if someone’s wants to see tears, this is a sure fire way to do so.

I know it’s annoying. I know it’s frustrating. I know I can really freak out the driver, because they don’t necessarily know what I’m yelping about. There might be a red light or car with its break lights on 100 yards away, but if I don’t feel the car slowing down, I’ll grab the “oh-shoot” handle, bring my feet up on my chair and scrunch my face assuming the “I’m-bracing-for-an-accident” position.

The other night my BF and I had a date night. We decided to go to Pin Kaow, one of our favorite restaurants {yummy Thai food}. I was fiddling with my iPhone, looking up movie times, and glanced up just as he was pulling into a parking space. I shrieked, throwing my phone up in the air, grabbed the arm rest with my left hand and the door handle with my right, and put my feet up against the dash, closed my eyes and braced myself for disaster.

The BF lost his temper to say the least. Bless his heart. I {know} how much this guy cares about me, I’ve never once questioned it. My well being is honestly his number 1 priority. Knowing this is absolutely wonderful and something I’ve never before experienced. Enough mushy stuff, and back to my story…

Knowing this is wonderful, but it can often backfire. As he yelled “What’s going on?!” I began laughing… I explained that I KNEW he wasn’t going to hit a parked car {obviously}, but it caught me off guard to look up and see it right in front of us. The poor guy was clearly shaken and his blood pressure, I imagine, was through the roof. At the time he may have thought a number of things: someone was coming at us with a gun, we’d just run over a stroller carrying a baby, or something truly serious. It did not immediately cross his mind that I was worried about being inside an F150 and hitting a parked Jetta, going 3 mph.

We had a brief argument {“discussion” as I like to say, we’ve never actually argued}, and to make amends I agreed to eat his level 7 Masaman Curry instead of my usual “but-it’s-still-really-hot-to-me” level 3.

Last night he came over and brought me a gift. He explained that this gift, although mine, was to remain in his car at all times. I tore through the packaging and hurled out the pink tissue paper, and when I saw the present my one reply was, “Is this really necessary?”