Attitude

Just FYI, this is a personal post... I don't often publish these kind, because I don't like "talking" about it, dealing with feelings, and I especially I don't like feeling vulnerable, but I thought I'd post anyway

Interesting fact:  Today, the average 18-30 year old woman experiences levels of stress/anxiety that, if experienced in the 1950's, would have landed them in a mental institution!

It's no doubt that I am a very easy going person.  I would not, under any circumstance, describe myself as "serious" or "uptight."  However, for the past few years (since my parents split up), I have noticed that I often feel stressed out, angry, or anxious... panicky even.  Dealing with parent's divorce is tough, even as an adult, and I don't think people really understand that.  Many think it should be hard on small children, but certainly not on a twenty-something.  Well, it has been, it is.  I was lucky to have a two parent household growing up, we had a lot of family time and developed holiday traditions; but now what happens at my wedding?  What happens on holidays?  How do we work those out?  Who goes where, and with whom?

Like anyone "dealing with divorce," I hoped my parent's divorce would be smooth and amicable... It turned out to be quite the opposite, and after two years, I am not able to  focus on my own "grief," because I'm constantly affected by everyone else's negative thoughts and feelings.

Recently, I decided I had had enough of the negativity.  I was becoming so anxious that my hair literally hurt, I couldn't sleep, and I swear I had a mini-break down.  While flipping through Glamour Magazine, I read that anxiety and stress causes pre-mature aging and heart attacks in young women, I knew something had to be done.  I decided that since I couldn't change the situation, the only thing I could do was change my attitude.

"Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

George Bernard Shaw

Over the past year or so I have really tried to weed out any negativity in my life.  I try really really hard not to gossip with friends and co-workers, I try to always see the glass as half-full (BF was recently laid off and loved when I told him that the good part was that he had more time to do homework!), I purposely smile all.of.the.time.and I've been making "kindness" a focus of the things-I-need part of my prayers. 

So far, I have noticed a difference.  I am happier, I do not constantly feel overwhelmed or anxious, and I feel like I am better able to be sympathetic about situations that arise without feeling so angry.  My skin even looks better.  I am going to keep smiling and having a positive attitude.  I may not be able to change the bad things in the world, but I can change how I respond to them.