A Jersey Shore blessing

Typically, today, people go around reciting Irish Blessings:

May love and laughter light your days, and warm your heart and home.

May good and faithful friends be yours, wherever you may roam.

May peace and plenty bless your world, with joy that long endures.

May all life's passing seasons bring the best to you and yours!

Today, however, I am going to hand out free Jersey Shore Blessings.  Let me explain.  I have had a membership to a tanning salon for close to five years.  I rarely use it, but it is so inexpensive, the thought of cancelling makes me queasy.

I try not to use the beds because of the still-not-100%-sure-but-better-safe-than-sorry skin cancer risks.  I am not a gambler, and refuse to take the risk, so I have been trying my had at the spray tan lately.  I've used the Mystic Tan "bed" three times, and I really like the results- aside from the stench of rotten sushi radiating off my body until I'm allowed to shower.  When I went in last night I was told that they no longer had the Mystic Tan but they are now using the Versa Spa "bed" which is better because it has blow dryers to dry the tan at the end of the session.

So here is a quick Pro and Con list about my experience:

PROS:

There is a heater attached to the bed so the mist is warm, very pleasant

There is a blow dryer so the guilt I get from the whole pat-my-brown-self-down-with-a-white-towel routine is gone

The color (I only got the lightest setting) is darker, and shows up more than the Mystic

CONS:

The color  is darker, and shows up a lot more than the Mystic

There are a million new positions to learn

The million positions make it complicated to get even color

The sprayers are not very far apart meaning I got a whole lot of color on my face and zero on my shoulders

The blow dryer dried the excess spray to my skin, making it look freckly and causing me to realize how much I appreciated toweling off the extra.

The "bed" is smaller = not a lot of room for the mist to dissipate = very uneven color application

Still stinks like rotten sushi

Overall, I hate the Versa Spa.  I complained after the fact to the attendant and she assured that when I took a shower, the freckles would disappear and about half of the color on my face would wash off.  I trusted her.  *Stupid*

After a few hours, I was tired of the Snooki comments from my family, and when Evan couldn't tell where my skin started and the couch began, I realized I had to take action.  I washed my face with a wet wash cloth.  Only about 5% of the color came off.  So I took a shower, two hours early.  Most of my body was able to be saved, but my hands weren't so lucky.

Even with  the "barrier cream" my hands got a lot of color.  They look like little oompa loompa hands, but splotchy, with pasty white stripes where my skin folds.  Awesome!

In honor of "Jers-day" (Jersey Shore Thursday), I will share with you my blessing:

May your dress be short, and your collar be poppin'

May your blow out be awesome, now it's time to go shoppin'

May your fist pumps  be strong, and your t-shirts be tight

May your skin be so tan, you no longer look white

May you gym, tan, and laundry forever more

May you live long and prosper down at the Shore.