Worst Date Ever

Have you ever been on a really horrible first date?

I have!

A few years ago while sitting in class a boy asked me on a date. At the time I was under the impression that if a boy asked me on a date, I had to go. It was hard for them to put their egos on the line, and the least I could do was say, “Sure.”

Anyway this boy was in my class, we'll call him "James" (because that really was his name) asked me to lunch. I knew he was a returned missionary. I also knew that he had only been home for a month. The moment I said, “Sure,” I realized I had broken my Date Rule #7. “No dating returned missionaries who have not been home for at least a year."

**Side Note: You see for two years these young men go fearlessly out into the world and preach the gospel to complete strangers. With all their dedication and preaching being the only thing on their mind 24/7, and always needing to be with another male companion, you can see how hard it might be for them to assimilate back into normal society. I decided that these young RM’s shouldn’t go on dates for at least a year, not even group dates, or any kind of “couples” event. They are just too socially awkward. **

With rule #7 broken, I figured, “Oh well, how bad will it be?”

I had no idea what I was in for.

I googled a picture of James, but I couldn't remember his last name,

so I found a picture of a nerdy missionary instead. Brothers,

and other nerdy RM's, please don't be mad.

“James” lived in Henderson, quite a ways away from my side of town, so we decided to meet rather than have him drive all the way to me and back to our date place which was out by his house. I reassured him I didn’t mind driving 45 minutes to the Galleria Mall for lunch, and really, I didn’t. I was happy to drive, that way, if the date was awful I could spare myself an awkwardly silent 45 minute drive home with him.

I don’t remember all the details of our date (where we went, what we did, etc.) But I do remember why it was so awful.

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  James asked me if I ever gambled. Just turning 21, I told him I did not but on my 21st birthday I did pull the Megabucks a few times. Judging from his reaction, I swear I had mentioned that I killed puppies and kicked the canes out from under the elderly. He literally raised his voice to reprimand me, “You know our church’s stance on gambling, etc.” and from there the conversation turned into something reminiscent of a Bishop’s interview that ended in me being ex-communicated…
  
  
  

After our lunch, I assumed the date went horribly enough that I would just go back to my car and go home. But oh no! James was not done with me yet. We had to go do some activity (what it was escapes me, I’ve blocked out traumatic memories) in which we had to leave the mall. He insisted we drive together in his car. I don’t remember where we went or the exact conversation (this was about 5 years ago), but I remember he mentioned the following things:

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  He loved my figure! He really liked that I was small, but athletic and that I worked out because this would create ideal circumstances for “breeding purposes.”
  
  
  
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  He liked that my legs were so long, because they could wrap around, “me, I mean your future husband when you consummate the marriage.”
  
  
  
• 
  
  He was curious about my stance on natural child birth vs. cesarean section. When I responded I had none it depended on what the doctor said the baby would need, he fired back with, “Well if you have a child naturally, you can’t have sex for 3 months.”
  
  
  

I don’t quite remember anything else about our date. Like I said, it’s a repressed memory. I know, however if I would have driven I would have left mid-lunch. Class was fairly awkward for poor James the following Monday. When he decided to sit next to me and bring up plans for a second date, I suddenly forgot how to speak English.